I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
