hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
