i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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