i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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