Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
