Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
