I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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