Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
