She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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