does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
