i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
false alarm, still single
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