don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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