I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
