the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
