You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
