Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
