Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
