well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
