I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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