You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
