Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize