i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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