We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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