can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
