Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
