Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
