You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
