I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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