i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
