i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
