And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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