i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
