I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
