dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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