we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
