One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
