brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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