Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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