Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
