Christians are straight up FREAKS
we have officially lost it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
