Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
