I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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