i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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