Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
