please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
