are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
