life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
