Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
