He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
