I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
