I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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