I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
