This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
