Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
