i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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