normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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