He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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