dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
