if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
