Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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