I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
