I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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