my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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