Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
