is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
