im having a threesome with these popsicles
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
