How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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